The "T-Word"

The "T-Word": Real Talk About Your Perineum, Tearing, and Healing

Let’s be honest, Sis. I know what you’re worried about.

We can talk about birth plans, cute onesies, and nursery colors all day. But when the lights go down and the anxiety creeps in, there is one specific fear that keeps a lot of pregnant folks up at night:

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"Am I going to tear down there?"

First, take a deep breath. Exhale. Shoulders down.

I’m here to tell you the truth... sista to sista, doula to mama. Yes, tearing is a possibility. But it is not the horror movie scene you’ve built up in your head. Your body was built for this, and even if things go a little sideways (or rip a little ways), you will heal.

Let’s break down the facts, the prevention, and the "after-party" care for your yoni.

The Facts: What is actually happening?

The perineum is that soft tissue between your vagina and your anus. During the "pushing" phase, that tissue has to stretch to let the baby through. It is designed to be elastic, it’s made to give!

However, sometimes it needs a little extra room.

1st and 2nd Degree Tears: These are the most common. Think of them like a skinned knee or a slightly deeper cut. They might need a few stitches, but they heal beautifully.

3rd and 4th Degree Tears: These are deeper and involve the muscle. They are rarer.

Real Talk: Most tears are minor. And frankly? In the moment, with all the oxytocin and adrenaline flowing, most women tell me they didn't even feel it happen.

Can we prevent it?

I can’t promise you a tear-free birth (and anybody who does is lying to you), but we can definitely stack the odds in your favor.

1. Get Off Your Back

Gravity is your best friend, but lying flat on your back compresses your tailbone and gives baby less room. As your doula, I’m going to encourage you to move. Hands and knees, side-lying, or squatting can open the pelvis and reduce pressure on the perineum.

2. Slow the Roll

When the baby is crowning (the "Ring of Fire"), your instinct is to push hard to get it over with. But this is when we need to listen to the midwife or doctor. Small, controlled pushes allow the tissue to stretch gradually instead of snapping.

3. Warm Compresses & Oil

Warm washcloths on the perineum during pushing? Heaven. It increases blood flow and helps the skin stretch.

The Healing: The "After-Party" Care Kit

Okay, so baby is here. You did it! Now, how do we take care of your business?

The Peri Bottle is Life: Do not wipe. I repeat: DO NOT WIPE, especially not back to front!! Use a peri bottle (squirt bottle) with warm water to rinse every time you use the bathroom. Pat dry gently.

Padsicles: These are giant maxi pads soaked in witch hazel and aloe vera, then frozen. They reduce swelling and feel amazing!!

Sit Down Somewhere: Seriously. In many cultures, the first 40 days are for lying down. You cannot heal if you are trying to be Superwoman running errands three days postpartum. Stay in bed. Let people bring you food.

The Emotional Side

This is the part nobody talks about.

If you do tear, you might feel like your body "failed" or that you’re "broken."

You are not broken.

You just brought a whole human being into the world. That is warrior work. A tear is a battle scar, not a defect. It’s important to look at it (when you’re ready), acknowledge it, and give yourself grace.

If you are feeling anxious about the physical changes to your body, talk to me. That’s what I’m here for. We can process that grief and fear together.

Bottom Line

Your body is resilient. It knows how to knit itself back together. Drink your water, take your stool softeners (pleasetrust me on this), and give yourself time.

You got this, and I got you.

Blk Desert Doula NM 🌵